Okay. I decided to once again start writing here. I don’t want to really. But I figured, I really needed a place to just load off all of my feelings and stuff. This seems like a good place.
So basically, the last time I updated was a year ago. Trust me, many things happened. Some I’m not particularly proud of & some was just plain awesome. Something unexpected happened too.
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Losing a friend is never easy. I am not talking about you fighting with your friend and now, you are no longer speaking to one another. I’m talking about actually losing a friend. As in he passed away. I never thought I would experience it, to be perfectly honest. I never thought it would happen to me. But it did. And let me tell you, it’s probably the worst feeling ever.
When I heard the news, I was shocked, yes. But that was it. It didn’t really sink that he was gone. I went back home and while I was sitting in front of the television, it all dawned to me. He’s no longer here. I won’t see him anymore. He’s gone. And at that moment, tears fell.
I only knew him for 3 semesters but the fact that he was in 2 of my classes , his presence is definitely missed. He was the first Malay boy to actually make an effort to talk to me. He would stick his tongue out at me for no real reason during Chemistry class when he thought teacher was not looking. He would sing in Maths class loudly if he feels bored waiting for our teacher. I always tease him and call him Wannie even though he tells me not to in the beginning. I think he just accepted it as time gradually passed.
I remember the last conversation I had with him was about Battle of the Bands. I asked him if he was joining and he said yes. I remember telling him to sing an Indonesian song because well, he sounds really good singing it and he loves their songs. He said, yeah, he was planning too but he wasn’t sure what exactly was alternative. I tried explaining but I don’t think he really got it. He didn’t talk much in class that day apart from that.
I didn’t see him after that because I went home that weekend. I found out about his condition on Saturday evening. I was devastated. I was praying to God to help him wake up from his coma.
He will always be remembered as the nice boy because ultimately, that was who he was. A very nice person. He didn’t have a problem with him and no one had any with him. Everyone had nice things to say about him. I cannot believe he is gone. I still remember his “promise” to sing at our teacher’s BBQ party again this year, as he did last year. I remember making sure he promised us that he will. I guess that promise will never be carried out.
God truly does love him. I can only pray and hope that he is a better place & that he is no longer in pain.
Syazwan, we will always remember you. As a friend, batch-mate and the nicest boy we will ever meet. I am honoured to have been friends with you.
I cried when I first heard of his condition & his admittance into ICU.
I cried after the news of his death sunk in.
I cried at his funeral, especially as they were loading him into the van.
I cried at his eulogy in college when his chaletmate gave a speech.
And, I am crying right now as I type this.
